Top Ten Comedians and Conference Championship

So NFL Conference Championship week is upon us, and we have a number of possible matchups that could occur in the Super Bowl... The Harbaugh bowl is a possibility (49ers vs Ravens), the Rematch Bowl (Patriots vs Giants), the Revenge Bowl (Baltimore winning the Super Bowl in Indianapolis, the same season the Colts have the worst record in the league.), the no one believed in our QB bowl (Eli Manning or Alex Smith vs Joe Flacco).

OK, so here goes... Ravens at Patriots
Well, to use my criteria... 1.  Better Team (overall) 2.  Better Quarterback  3.  Home Field  (Of course this can mean nothing,  as last week the Giants beat Green Bay and MVP Aaron Rodgers in Green Bay... but then again, the Giants defense has played Very Well lately, their running game has improved, so maybe they really were the better team overall)
Better Team Overall:  Ravens
Listen, I know the Patriots had the better record, but they don't run the ball well, and their defense has been a sieve pretty much all season.  The Ravens are much more balanced offensively, and have a much better defense.
Better Quarterback:  Patriots - and it's not even close.  Joe Flacco should NOT be trusted, and he showed that last week in a WIN over the Texans.  He was stinky.
Home Field:  New England - Not as much of an advantage against Baltimore as it would be against someone like Houston (warm weather/dome team) or Denver (inexperienced team).  Baltimore's team has alot of proven Veterans, and they are used to playing in the cold.

However, I gotta make a Meat Loaf selection here, "Two out of Three ain't bad"... Patriots

Giants at 49ers
Better Team Overall:  ????
-this should be the 49ers, at least during the regular season... but the Giants are playing much better lately.  It's a toss up.  San Fran won a big game against the Saints last week, but barely won at home with the Saints making 5 turnovers.  Which now has me thinking it's the Giants.  Which is why it's a toss up.
Better Quarterback:  Giants
Eli Manning has played really well this season.  Not just the two playoff games.  Alex Smith played well against the Saints last week, but there isn't the body of work there.
Home Field:  San Francisco
-but how much of a big deal is this?  The Giants aren't the Saints.  And they won in Green Bay last week.  And they have a number of players who have won a Super Bowl before.  Not sure if this is going to be much of a factor.

My selection is the Giants.  I know I picked against the Niners last week too, but I also picked against the Giants.

OK, with the "Sports" portion handled for the week... now some time for the "Doofus".
Here is MY list of the top ten stand up comedians, with many, many, many exceptions.  (There are too many good ones to pick just ten, go ahead and try it... it's tough to make that final cut).

NOTE:  MOST of these clips are NSFW.  Some are, but some aren't... just thought I'd put that out there.


10.  Demetri Martin - a few years ago, I would have probably have put Demetri in the top 5 of this list.  However, other than a supporting role in the film "Contagion", I haven't heard much from him.  He's still one of the most original and hilarious standups that I've ever seen.

9.  Daniel Tosh - Tosh makes the list based on the fact that he just doesn't care if he offends anyone.  I like that in a comedian.  They are jokes, people.

8.  Robin Williams - I know, I know, I know... he's spastic, and hyper, and weird, and it's been years since he's done anything really good.  But you know what, I don't care.  When he's rolling, nobody is better.  And the funniest description of Golf I have ever heard.

7.  Louis CK- star of one of the best TV shows on television, and possibly the best Stand Up currently working.  I heard a recent interview with him where he says he basically comes up with a new act, all new material, each and every year.  He's amazing.  Here's a piece he did for CBS news on Father's Day.

6.  Chris Rock - I know he's been busy starring on Broadway the past few years, but lest we forget, Chris Rock did a series of the best HBO comedy specials in a row...Bring the Pain, Bigger and Blacker, and Never Scared.  Each one as brilliant as the last.  Here is one of my all time favorite bits:

5.  Sam Kinison - Sam Kinison passed away in 1992 when his vehicle was hit by a drunk driver.  The irony is that Sam had taped a stand up special the year before where he, if not condoned drunk driving... seemed to argue that it wasn't that big of a deal.  He was wildly inappropriate, and often hopped up illegal substances.  He was a madman, but he was truly hilarious.  This clip is from the first time I saw Sam, on the Rodney Dangerfield Young Comedians Special.  If you have never seen Sam before... a word of warning, he's not your normal "joke teller".

4.  Steven Wright - of all the comedic voices of my lifetime, and there have been many, none stand out the way that Steven Wright does.  He is truly original, and although he is still going today, I liked his stuff from the 80's the best.  Here's a clip from the Letterman show.

3.  Bill Cosby - Yes, he had the successful TV show, and yes, he's known as a pitch man, and yes, people make fun of his sweaters.  But the guy is a comedic genius.  And his 1983 stand up special "Bill Cosby Himself" is still possibly the greatest comedian special of all time.  Here's the bit on Dentists from that special, still funny today.

2.  George Carlin - the only comedian on the list I have actually seen live in concert.  Carlin was not only really funny, but also really smart.  He excelled at noticing things that others didn't.  I suppose that's the gift of a great comedian, being able to see things in a slightly different way.  George passed away in 2008 and we lost an amazing voice.  Altogether he did 14 HBO specials, and here is the famous "Stuff" bit.

1.  Jerry Seinfeld - probably the "voice" of my generation (even if he is 16 years older than me).  Here is probably the simplest of comedians... no gimmicks... no shouting... no swearing... no physical stuff...  Just a guy sharing his observations on the world.  The genius of Seinfeld is that, he is everyman...  he doesn't come across as super smart like Carlin, he's not outrageous like Kinison, he's got no "shtick" like Chris Rock, Robin Williams, Steven Wright, or even Daniel Tosh.  Just a man and his (hilarious) thoughts.

Another thought on Seinfeld... there's a reason he had such a successful television show.  Doing comedy the way he does it... just jokes, timing... no other "tricks" to get laughs... It's harder.  It's much easier to grab a quick, easy laugh for the oddball, or "original" comedian.  And I'm not saying that makes it better or worse, just harder.  You have to have good material, and you have to present it well.  And people have to like you.

Note:  I left off a TON of other comics I would have liked to include, but I had to make a cut somewhere.  The honorable mention spot, I would suppose goes to Jim Gaffigan, who always cracks me up.  He'd have been on this probably each of the last five years... but Louis CK was just too impressive this year to ignore.

Interesting link

I had somone send this link to me via e-mail.

It's pretty interesting.  I'm not going to do a whole thing on it, but it was suggested I pass it on to my blog readers.  (all 5 of you).

The Business of Professional Football  Thanks Dan, for the link!

Hope you enjoy.... I've been thinking of creating another Top 10 list, I even have an idea already, I just don't want to spoil it.  Enjoy your week!

NFL Divisional Round Picks & Rule Changes

NFL Divisional Round Playoffs this weekend.  Here are the picks:

Saturday
New Orleans at San Francisco
This is a tough pick for me.  I do think NO will struggle to move the ball like they normally do, on the road, outdoors, and against a good defense.  But I can't pick Alex Smith over Drew Brees.  Saints
Denver at New England
The Tebow 3:16 run ends here.  Although I will say this, the NE defense isn't very good, and if Tebow and the Broncos can run the ball and keep the Pats Offense off the field, it could be interesting.  Still, common sense says Patriots.

Sunday
Houston at Baltimore
This is probably the hardest pick for me.  Usually for playoff games, I go by the best team, then by best quarterback, then by the Home Field advantage.  I'm going to have to go with Home Field in this one.  I don't trust Joe Flacco, although I think he's better than TJ Yates.  And as much press as Baltimore's D gets, Houston's defense is actually better.  I'm taking the Ravens based on experience, and home field.
NY Giants at Green Bay
These two played not that long ago, and it was a close game.  One of the tougher match ups Green Bay had all season was the Giants.  The reason is this, the Giants can generate pressure on the quarterback with just their front four, and drop 7 into coverage.  Green Bay is not a good running team, and the cold weather won't bother the Giants.  Eli Manning has played well in this season, and looked good last week.  But I can't pick him against Aaron Rodgers.  Green Bay to win a close one.

So yeah, I'm pretty much picking all the favorites.  (Sorry Corey.  They are favorites for a reason.)

Which leads me to today's subject:  Rule Changes.  Every year we see rules changed in our favorite sports.  For example this year the NFL moved the kickoff line to the 35 yard from the 30. 
Monday night I was sitting and watching Alabama beat up LSU to win the BCS Championship, and I wasn't liking it.  We need new system for deciding the national championship in college football.  Whether that be 4 Ginormous conferences with 64 teams, maybe it could be my 8 team playoff plan, maybe it's something else.  But there needs to be a rule change.


This got me thinking about rule changes.  If I was made "Galatic President Superstar McAwesomeness of Sports" for a day, what are the rule changes I would make.

Football Section - Things to improve America's favorite game.

NFL Overtime-  OK, this subject has been beaten to death because of Peter King and his whining about the Colts losing in overtime.  That's where it started, don't fool yourself.  Which led to this year's overtime rule change in the playoffs.  (an aside:  How do you have different rules for the play of the game in the playoffs, than you do in the regular season?  That's just silly).  So basically, now the rule is, if the first team scores a FG, the second team has a chance to have the ball.  (Which by the way, wouldn't have mattered in the Peyton Manning game, because Darren Sproles scored on a touchdown run, but I digress)

Rule Change:  Let's take a page from basketball.  Overtime is set for a certain amount of time.  You play til the clock runs out.  The only discussion is the length of time.  Basketball goes with 5 minutes, and they have 12 minute quarters.  But football is different, possession of the ball last about 24 seconds in basketball, much longer in football.  So, let's set it at 10 minutes.  10 Minute overtime.  Done.  Game still tied?  Double Overtime in the playoffs.  Much better than the sudden death rule.  Much better than the college rule.  Continue to play the game, for a shortened overtime period.

NFL Hash marks-  Ever notice how good NFL kickers are, and how rarely they miss any field goal under 40 yards?  Then have you ever watched a college game and wondered why these less talented kickers, have to deal with wider hash marks, and more difficult angles on Field Goals?  It doesn't make sense to me.  Here is the rule with NFL hash marks:  "Hash marks in the NFL are lined up with the goal posts. They are 18 feet 6 inches apart and are located 23 7/12 yards from each sideline."  Why are better kickers, playing on a higher level, given an easier opportunity to make a field goal?  This is like having the Junior High play on regulation hoops, but when the Varsity High School team comes out, lowering it to 9 feet so more people can dunk.  It makes no sense.

Rule Change:  The NFL hash marks will be widened to the college football standard, 40 feet wide and 60 feet in from the sideline.  It will make Field Goals more difficult.  It will make what plays you run in the Red Zone more selective.  Plus, who cares if the offenses don't want to line up wider on the field?  The league is all offense now!  Make the offense work a little harder, they already have every advantage.  Let's give the defense something, here.

Basketball Section - I thought up a few good basketball rules too.

Trapezoidal lane- Anyone who has ever seen international basketball has seen the "Trapezoid" Lane.  American players in High School, College, and Pro have played with the "Rectangular Lane" that most are familiar with.  Pictured here(from the diagram of drill):

Traditional Basketball Lane

Here is my problem with the traditional lane.  It's too small.  Players are always "jammed up" in the paint.  And thanks to the "Bad Boy" Pistons of the early 80's the game has become entirely too physical on the inside.  So, why not take the lane, and expand it out.  Don't allow the offensive players to set up so close to the basket without a 3 second violation.

Let's take a look at a trapezoid lane.

Trapezoid Lane

If you are a post player setting up on the block, you are several feet farther out than you are in the traditional lane.  And your teammate on the other side of the lane is farther away too.  And so is their defender, in theory.  This would open the game up!  Less pushing, fighting, grabbing, double teaming, clutching... less ugly basketball.

I've heard arguments that this would "take away" from the impact of big men, and make the game all about the perimeter players.  I could not disagree more.  If the lane is wider, it becomes tougher to double team.  It puts more of a premium on being able to defend one on one in the post, without help.  On offense, your big man is going to have to become a better shooter, ball handler, and especially a better passer.  So while it may marginalize the impact of lesser big men, the truly dominant big man would become more important than ever.

Rule Change:  Basketball, at all levels should implement a trapezoid lane.  Yes, all levels.  We want the high school kids, and traveling teams and AAU sponsored clubs to be learning this style of play from an early age.  (Youth BB... meaning pre-High School, could use a "shortened down" smaller version of the trapezoid, but it should still be there.)
NOTE:  FIBA changed their rules in 2010 to go to a rectangular lane.  They went from 6 meters wide at the baseline and narrowed it to a rectangular lane at 4.9 meters wide.  Leave it to FIBA.  They did ONE thing better than American style of basketball, and then they get rid of that one thing. 

NBA Playoffs-  Every year we see it in the NBA.  Various teams who have no chance of making the playoffs, putting every dude who can play on the injured reserve, so they can effectively "tank" the season, and get better odds in the NBA draft lottery.  Now, I won't go off on the draft lottery here, other than to see that a lottery is a terrible way to set draft positioning.   Every team that doesn't make the playoffs is in the lottery, and the worse your record is, the greater your odds are of getting a high pick.  All the teams in the playoffs are held out of the lottery, and their draft position is decided by record.
Another thing I dislike about the NBA playoffs is the 7 game format in every series.  It used to be a 5 game series in the first round, and I liked that much better.  It shortens up the playoffs, it makes the games more important, and it increases (slightly) the chance of an upset in the first round. 
Lastly, the 2-3-2 format  for the NBA finals stinks.  If this is the best format, why don't they use it for every round?  The team with the better record hosts two home games, goes on the road for 3, and then goes home for the final two.  I don't like this.  In the early 80's the format was 2-2-1-1-1 with alternating locations, and I preferred that much better. 
So, with my list of grievances fully explained, let's get to the changes.

Rule Change(s):  First off, we need to do something about the "tanking" that is going on at the end of every single NBA season.  So, here is what we do.
The Play-In Tournament
1.  Only 14 teams ( top 7 from each conference) qualify for the playoffs. 
2.  The last 16 teams are placed into a single elimination tournament for the final two playoff spots.
3.  The tournament would be seeded out 1-16.  With the best record facing the worst record, etc...  The Higher Seeded team would be the host team for the first two rounds (This is assuming you have a "central location" for the final four... maybe you don't do that, and you continue to have home teams host). 
4.  The tournament would take place in one week.  First round Monday and Tuesday( 4 games each night)... Second Round Wednesday/Thursday...Third Round Saturday... Final Round last game before the official playoffs on Sunday.  (If you wanted to hold it Final Four style in a central location that would be great...)
5.  Each winning team would get paid, standard playoff victory salary, for each victory.  Losers will take home bupkiss.  This will motivate them to play.
6.  The top two teams, who make the finals will quality to enter the NBA playoffs and play the top two seeds.  (The Winner will face the #1 seed with the worse record, the loser will face the #1 seed with the best record in the league.)
7.  This is Critical:  The winning team of the "play in" tournament will receive the #1 pick in the upcoming NBA draft, the second place team will have the #2 pick.  Following on down, the 3 and 4 picks would be decided by the other two semifinalists, based on record(lower record/higher seed) format.
-This would eliminate teams "tanking" and placing players on IR just to improve lottery odds.  Oh, you want to field the worst team in the league?  How's the 16th draft pick grab you?

Also, this would prevent things happening like we have seen time and time again with perennial losers.  Who draft a good player, have him build up a decent reputation, and then leave town for greener pastures as soon as his rookie contract is up.  You know those teams who are on the verge of being good, but never get over the hump, and then their star leaves and they are left rebuilding.  No longer.

In addition, for anyone who thinks this would prevent the truly bad from improving, I disagree.  The NBA is still a salary cap league, there is still free agency, you can still spend money and make trades however you want.  Key players will still get injured.  Bad coaches will destroy a locker room, etc...  The key thing is, if you hire a good coach, and make good decisions on personnel, you can improve much more quickly.

So after the Play In Tournament we start the "Official NBA Playoffs"
Round 1 - Back to the Best of Five Format (this will gain back the week from the play in tournament)
Rest of the Rounds remain at 7 games.
-All best of seven Rounds, including the finals will revert back to the 2-2-1-1-1 format.

In my opinion, these tweaks to the playoff format would make a huge difference in the shape of the league, and make it more competitive from start to finish.  The regular season would mean more to every team.  The "non" playoff teams have something to play for, the tournament.  If you are on a team that is "almost" a contending team...one of those teams that is battling on that 8/9 seed range (in the current format), you wouldn't kill yourself to win that tournament and secure the top pick in the draft for your team that next season? 

Best Things of 2011 and Wildcard predictions

One of my multitudinous followers, requested something from the Doofus, and he threw out there playoff predictions.

This weekend is the NFL Wild card round.   I'll list the games, and bold the teams that I think will win.
Saturday
Detroit at New Orleans  - don't see anyone beating the Saints in the Super Dome.
Cincinnati at Houston - Houston is better everywhere but QB, the most important position on the field.  I'm still picking them.
Sunday
Falcons at Giants - I can't pick Matt Ryan on the road in the playoffs.  Of course that means I'm picking Eli Manning, at home, as a favorite.
Steelers at Broncos - A decisive road win for the Steelers.  Did you know the Steelers are playing without their leading rusher, a starting safety, and their quarterback is banged up?  And you'd still be crazy to pick the Broncos to win this game.  Viva La Tebow!

Here are some thoughts on some of my favorites things from 2011.  And yes, I know it's Jan. 6th. 

Top Album:  Foster the People "Torches"
If you can't tap your toes to "Torches", you should have your head examined.  Yes, I am being serious.

Best new TV Comedy "New Girl"
I've blogged about this before, so I'm not going to do so again.  However Zooey Deschanel is brilliant, and if you haven't seen the show, you should.

Best new TV Show "Louie"
Technically, this show isn't new, but I didn't start watching it until this year.  Part Comedy/Part Drama/Completely Original = 100% Brilliant.

Best live performance on Letterman "The Twilight Singers"
Stayed up late one night this summer, and was watching a little Letterman, and The Twilight Singers came on.  I was spellbound.  As soon as the song ended I was googling them.  Can't say that I am their biggest fan, or that I even like much of their other stuff (It's OK).  But I was blown away this particular night.

Those old dudes can rock!

Best Team of 2011:  Green Bay Packers
Aside from the fact that they won the Superbowl, and every other game in 2011, except one.  No actually....that's why they only lost one game in a calendar year, and won the Super Bowl.

Best Play by Play announcer:  Gus Johnson
Gus is the best.  In fact I'd take Gus and a box of crackers as the color analyst over just about any other announcing team.

Gus:  Did you SEE what just HAPPENED?

Crackers:  rattle, rattle, rattle (or whatever sound crumbled crackers make when shook in a box)

Gus:  I KNOW!  UNBELIEVABLE!

Best Book I read:  Unbroken

I've talked about Unbroken before as well.  It's awesome.  You should read it.  You like sports stories?  read it.  You like War stories?  read it.  You like overcoming the odds stories?  read it.  You like redemption stories?  read it.

Best Movie I saw:  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II
-must have been an "off year" in Hollywood.  I'll be honest, I had to look at a couple of critics top ten lists to even see something that I watched, or wanted to watch.

Best Christmas gift I got: Friday Night Lights Season One on DVD
My wonderful daughter bought me this gift.  Still haven't watched any of the episodes yet, no one will watch them with me!  Why don't people want to watch a show that's good, but they will spend hours watching repeats of shows they've seen before?  Unreal.

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose

Best new companies/products:  Altra and Stem
Kudos to these two companies for coming up with shoes that embrace the "barefoot" philosophy, but don't make us wear shoes that look like mutated feet (Vibrams Five Fingers).  At this point Altra is really working towards gearing their footwear towards the runner and outdoor enthusiast.  Stem just makes minimalist shoes that look great and feel amazing.  I hope both these companies make it.

Best "Guilty Pleasure": Beavis and Butthead
I would have probably put Tosh.0 on here, but he's too popular now, although that show is still funny it's not something you are embarrassed to admit to watching.  South Park has long moved off of any "guilty pleasure" list, because those guys are smart and their show is brilliant.  And possibly, I could put "Louie" on this list, but what's guilty about watching a show that is television brilliance?  Beavis and Butthead, you know what you're getting.  Juvenile? yep.  Predictable? for sure.  Hilarious?  always.

"Uh-huh-huh-huh, that was cool"

Best from out of nowhere to Scum of the Earth:  Kris Humphries
Who is Kris Humphries, and why does  anyone care about him beside his family or New Jersey Nets fans?  Honestly, 99% of the people who are righteously indignant about him now, didn't know who he was one year ago.  Give Kris a break.

Best re-made movie, that didn't need to be re-made. Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
I haven't seen the "Americanized" version yet, but I hear it's good.  And I will see it.  But here's the thing... I've seen the Swedish films, and they totally hold up.  Subtitles and everything.  Great series of films.  Glad that Hollywood actually made a decent film instead of butchering it like "La Femme Nikita", but there was really no need.  And may I also recommend the books, they are fantastic.

Best "well that was inevitable":  Lindsey Lohan

Best TV show rip off:  Ridiculousness
I've got an idea for a show, lets find a funny guy who isn't afraid to say rude things, and stand him in front of a green screen and let him make fun of people who post videos on the internet.  Hmmmm, where have I heard that idea before?

Best Robot sidekick on a talk show:  Geoff Peterson

To be honest, I could have went with Andy Richter here.  But Geoff and Craig Ferguson have a real chemistry between them.  Or circuitry.

Best Video Game:  Skyrim
I've never played this game.  But the way people talked about it when it came out, it has to be something special.  They even did an article on it on Grantland.  My teenage daughter pre-ordered a copy of it for this fall in July, I think.  And she isn't a gamer.

Best Republican Candidate:  Jon Huntsman
Let's see here, give the old "candidate checklist" a glance over
Good Speaker?  check
Intelligent?  check
Handsome?  check  (that's what I'm told)
Self Deprecating Humor on SNL?  check
What is missing here?  This guy is a sure thing!  He should run away from these other dorks.  Oh wait, I forgot...
Money?  NOPE
nevermind.

Best Reason to get rid of the BCS:  Alabama vs LSU
reasons we shouldn't need this game:
1.  They've played already this year.
2.  They're in the same conference.
3.  They're in the same division of the same conference.
4.  We really don't need another one.  These may be the two best teams, but this is dumb.

Best "Metric System" Idea :  Google+
(An idea that is actually better, but the large majority of people won't switch because we're stubborn... sometimes for no good reason.)
Google+ was released to the public this fall.  It's far superior to facebook in just about every way possible.  And there are no advertisements.  And, of course, no one is using it.  Well, comparatively speaking anyway.

Best "Good Idea, now make it cheaper"  Chromebooks
Google also released their "chromebook" this year.  Basically, all it is... is a web browser.  It's light, it has a solid state drive rather than a hard drive, it's more secure than a normal computer, it updates automatically, it turns on in a flash, etc, etc, etc...  Really cool idea and concept.

Problem:  You can buy several netbook computers already, for less money, that can operate when not online.  (Plus, they can access all the features that you'd use a chromebook for over the internet).
Basically, it's a giant web browser that costs more than a computer with more functionality.  (Yes, slower, but still more functions)

Best Tosh.0  Web Redemption:  Boom goes the Dynamite
My favorite catch phrase of the year.

Best TV Show I haven't watched yet:  Breaking Bad
I know "Breaking Bad" is phenomenal, but I just haven't had time to start it yet, and I know if I do, much like "Mad Men" I'm going to want to blow through all the seasons at once.  I'm simply waiting for you, Breaking Bad.  I'm waiting.